Is It Ever Less Than Treason?

We visited Morgantown last weekend, and it was a delightful--albeit exhausting!--trip. It was wonderful to see everyone (I started to list some names and then realized that would be a silly thing to do... there are too many!). I had a blast spending time with some of my closest friends, although there were certainly people I wanted to see but couldn't--due to the fact that, sadly enough, there are only 24 hours in one day.

At any rate, I drove back to Kentucky on Sunday evening with tired eyes and a heavy heart. I confess that I really have no clue how to handle this time of life. I'm a large mass of contradictions. I adore my husband and love being married. I like Kentucky, for the most part, and enjoy our little apartment in the ghetto. ;) I have had fun meeting new people and making new friends (alicia and boy-casey, braden and girl-casey, joseph and kirstin... we're so thankful for you!). I'm grateful for my job at the seminary and all the character I've built in my position thus far. ;) BUT, in the same breath, I miss West Virginia. I miss living in a college town and being able to see friends at virtually any point during the day. I miss being near my Grammy and my mom. I miss Ramsey Potts and AFLAC (yes... I even miss you, Brian Cumptan!). I miss my church. I miss my Bible study (so much!). I miss home.

It's probably no surprise to the people that read this that I hate change. I can't help it--I do. But as of late I've been convicted of that. God has been faithful to me in every aspect of my life--big and small. He brought me to faith despite growing up in an un-churched home. He blessed me with a church family that has often been closer than my own. He provided financially by paying for schooling that I couldn't have afforded. He provided a multitude of friends too numerous and unique to mention, by whom I have been shaped and changed. He gave to me a husband who has been more wonderful than I could've ever desired. And, as Job put it, those are but the fringes (Job 26.14a)! Every step, every twist and turn of my life has been graciously guided by the loving hand of God. What reason do I have to doubt His character? Why do I scorn His clear faithfulness, so aptly demonstrated both in His word and in my own life? This brings to mind a Charles Swindoll quote that a dear friend and Bible Study leader of mine used to have as the signature to her emails: "Remembrance of past faithfulness leads to endurance of present circumstances and anticipation of future blessing."

On Monday I was skimming through a collection of poetry by Robert Frost, given to me by my grandmother when we visited over the weekend (it was wonderful to see her--easily the highlight of my trip!). If you don't know this about me, be informed: I love poetry. Love it. It's as though the syntax and rhythm allow deep emotion to spring forth from the words--emotion otherwise inexpressible. I dare not read poems out loud (although sometimes I practice to myself quietly) for the fear of ruining the mystery of it all. My voice is not enough--it takes away from what is there. But anyway... I could go on forever about that. My point is that I found this wonderful poem called "Reluctance" hidden within the yellowed pages. This is the final stanza:

Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?

Imagine my surprise when my eyes fell across those lines! I didn't know my heart could be so perfectly described! Surely, it seems to be nothing less than treason to accept the end of my season in Morgantown. I have a hard time "[going] with the drift of things." I can't yield at all to the reason of it all--forget with any attitude of grace! Yet, for the aforementioned reasons [i.e., God and His faithfulness], I must.

Yes, things are different now. But different doesn't have to be synomous with bad... it's just that; different. Although my heart is often reluctant to admit it, different can even be beautiful (think of a butterfly--beautifully different from a moth!). Although it's trite, I confess this statement is true: Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. Here's to making Kentucky and this new stage of life its own kind of beautiful.